Déja vu

Déja vu has always driven me mad. I have these dreams. Realistic meaningless dreams. then awhile later, a week, two weeks, a month, a year, years later I have Déja vu and remember dreaming about it. More times than not when I have these dreams I tell Jen. The kicker is Jen never ever remembers them. I know what's going to happen down to the next word that's said or where we wind up later that day, but I'm always afraid to predict it cause that would be too weird.

Awhile after dating Renea My boss and her boyfriend went out of town and were leaving the dogs and asked us to go feed them twice that week. Renea had been out there once before when I had to take her home but had to do some last minute food prep at their house cause we ran out of pesto, so she'd seen the place. But never the stage they had set up for the music festivals we used to have so I decided to show her. While pulling up the driveway in to their place Déja vu struck, I hadn't told Jen about it and she wasn't with us, but it happened. It's moments like these that make me feel like everything is right in the world, I'm on he right track no matter how shitty life can be and if it happened before why not try it again.

Another dream came back to me in those moments.

When I was about 16, I awoke from my slumber and I couldn't sleep, so I threw on an album by "The sound of animals fighting" called "tiger and the duke" and went back to sleep. When I woke this time I was staring up at the ceiling with my NWO T-Shirt tacked to it and the various posters I had of the bands I listened to at the time, slipknot, mudvayne, korn and the like. I still had the images reeling through my head. I was laying in bed with a cute little blonde girl, but I wasn't in my room. I was in my living room with the bed against the wall of the small room my sister used to be in, with the TV in front of the kitchen and a comforter on over my sliding glass door that I had never seen before. We were in love, we were snuggling. I felt warm. I felt at home. I felt love again.

I later asked Jen if she remembered me telling her this dream. She did, this was a first in my entire life. And it was happening. I was already in my living room and Renea had been staying over quite alot. 4 years ago I'd had a dream about Renea. I didn't know her, there wasn't a face I could remember, but it occurred to me that it was her and that this was life and I was supposed to be with her, supposed to meet her. The bump on the head that made me talk to her and the instant vibe we got from each other wasn't just a coincidence.

These things remind me that we were all here before or that we knew this was going to happen. We're supposed to be here right now, no matter how fucked up this all is. Even if it's just for right now, this is what's supposed to be, this is fate, this is the universe and this is everything. This is life, this time.